


A Conversation Late at Night

by midnightshon



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2019-08-04 01:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16337051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightshon/pseuds/midnightshon
Summary: Kangin was about to finish his military service. Leeteuk’s was just about to begin. So was Heechul’s. A thousand thoughts ran in their minds.





	A Conversation Late at Night

**Author's Note:**

> A piece written pre-army Heechul. Found it a couple weeks back dusting away in my hanchul fics folder.

“Just a few more months, Teuk-hyung, and I’l be back.”

 

That was the third time Leeteuk looked at his phone screen and reread that short text message. And just like the first two times, he sighed as soon as he finished. Right, there would only be a few more months before Kangin finished his military service. Time flew, that was all he could say. He still remembered it very clearly when the younger had to leave dorm and Super Junior in order to fulfil his duty as a Korean man as well as to punish himself of his past wrongdoings. But now, in a few months Kangin would be discharged and be among his members again.

 

“Oi, Jungsu, what are you doing?”

 

Leeteuk was taken aback by the intruder. Reflexively he spun his head, only to found Heechul standing by the doorway with hands shoved in his jeans, eyes staring at him intently. 

 

“You’re not asleep yet?”

 

Heechul shook his head, then walked up to him and position himself seated next to Leeteuk. “Can’t sleep.”

 

Leeteuk sent him a small smile at the remark. Any other time, he would have expected the man to go on complaining how he would age fast because he lacked of sleep and all that. But the tone Heechul used just now was not that nagging, constantly whining diva tone he often used. This was something else. This was the real Kim Heechul who truly could not fall asleep. Just like he had always been since one year ago.

 

“What about you?” he heard Heechul ask. “What are you doing by yourself on the rooftop this late at night? Just so you know, I’m not yet prepared to flip the newspaper tomorrow morning to ‘Super Junior’s Leader Killed Himself, Jumping from His Dormitory Rooftop’ as a headline.” The man smiled an uneven smile at Leeteuk.

 

Ah, Kim Heechul and his sadistic sense of humour. “Kangin texted me,” Leeteuk said, relaying the message that had been running around in his head since an hour earlier.

 

“Oh, that’s right. It’s almost two years already, huh? It still feels like yesterday when I saw Youngwoon’s round face when we sent him off.” Heechul spoke, eyes darting into the pitch black sky above. “Hey, Jungsu-yah,” he elbowed Leeteuk, eyes turning mischievous, “tell him to serve a little longer.”

 

However, Leeteuk was in no mood for jokes. Instead, he took another deep breath and drew it equally slowly, drawing a frown to Heechul’s forehead.

 

“Yah, what’s wrong with you?” Heechul elbowed him the second time, and when Leetuk only answered him with a brief smile, Heechul’s frown turned into scowl. “I thought you’d be happy that Youngwoon is coming back? Why are you sighing like that? Stop it, Jungsu, you’re 20-year older now by doing that alone.”

 

This time Leeteuk actually laughed. “I  _am_  happy,” he said, entwining his fingers together before turning to his companion. “It’s just... you know, next year is our turn. I was thinking... wondering, actually, whether we’d be able to see him before enlisting.”

 

“How ironic, don’t you agree?” Heechul responded. “We, who have been patiently waiting, releasing two albums in his absence, in the end will not see him face to face. That’s what you’re thinking, right? That’s why I told you to make him serve a little longer.” Heechul spared himself seconds to snicker, obviously finding himself amusingly smart with his words.

 

That, until he noticed that Jungsu did not respond. He looked at the leader and noticed what a mess he had become in those few seconds, eyes turning red and tears threatening to fall from the corner of his eyes.

 

“Geez, Park Jungsu, come here...” Heechul immediately reached for his friend’s head and brought it to rest on his shoulder, and then grabbed his shoulder in a protective manner. “You miss him so much, huh?”

 

That was rhetorical, but Heechul felt Jungsu’s head move on his shoulder, nodding. And that was just enough for Heechul not to start patting the man because, contrary to popular, patting someone who was about to cry was not comforting at all. In fact, patting them only made them feel sadder and pity themselves more, thus pushing them to cry. Not helping at all.

 

Now, Park Jungsu—Leeteuk always said that the members could always lean on him. The younger members could just lean on him and follow him, he would be the one leading the way. But now, there were only the two of them and, being born only nine days later, Heechul was not that much younger. While the younger members had both Leeteuk and Heechul as their hyungs, the leader only had Heechul as his friend. And again, contrary to popular belief, Jungsu could trust his insecurities and shift his burdens all to Heechul. He could because, after all, between the two of them, Heechul had always been the stronger one.

 

Though he actually missed the younger one himself, Heechul did not say a word in response to Jungsu’s silent cry. He missed Youngwoon. He missed the jokes, the braveness and the venom in his words when he talked back, rebelling against Heechul’s rebellious act. When other members would be too afraid to answer Heechul’s joke and flip his words over, Youngwoon would be there to break the joke in half and stomp on it just as merciless. 

 

Heechul missed Youngwoon as his partner in crime, but even now he still did not fully understand the kind of loss the leader had been dealing with. Youngwoon and Jungsu—Kangin and Leeteuk, the KangTeuk, were like fork and spoon. They worked together, in synch. When Jungsu was in charge of correcting the members, scolding them when they did something wrong, and loving them like a big brother, Youngwoon was there to protect them, keeping them discipline and obediently following Jungsu’s words.

 

So when Youngwoon enlisted, Jungsu did go through a phase in which he had trouble dealing and controlling the members. Jungsu was the soft-hearted one, the Angel without Wings—the absence of Youngwoon sure doubled the trouble he had to deal with. Sure, Heechul whose anger was the most feared by the members sometimes would help, but his yelling was not the same as Youngwoon’s calm yet stern voice. Really, Heechul just could not imagine what kind of loss it was.

 

“Do you think we can meet Kangin before we enlist?” Jungsu finally spoke.

 

Truthfully, Heechul wanted to give his friend some hope, to at least lessen his sadness but, “I don’t know,” he said, “I’m not sure myself. I mean, you told the press that we’d go next year. Yet we don’t know when Youngwoon will be here again. If you want to him so badly, why don’t you postpone your enlistment? I mean, wait until he’s back and then you can leave.”

 

“Military service is mandatory, Chul.”

 

“I said ‘postpone’, Teuk. It doesn’t have to as quickly as early next year.”

 

No answer came from the leader, so Heechul went silent himself. The thing was, since earlier that year, Heechul had been trying to push that thought away from his head. That there would be more time. That, no, he did not have to enlist any time soon. However, on his birthday last month, Jungsu had announced that he and Heechul were both ready to enter the army, and Heechul could not overlook the thought any longer. He, Kim Heechul, the 4-dimension man, would enlist to the army next year. Even just to think about it, Heechul did not dare.

 

Many things would change. Military service did not happen and end in an instant. It took years. He would be far away from Super Junior, from ELF, from his friends for two years. Many things could happen in two years. And by the time he returned, he would be 32-year-old—Heechul shivered upon the idea. Would the public accept him by then? Could he still fit in when he would not be that young anymore? Could he still sing and dance as he did now? And—though he hated himself for considering it—would Super Junior still exist then?

 

“Heechul-ah,” Jungsu’s call popped Heechul’s bubble of thought. “How about you... are you not—you know, missing Hankyung?”

 

Heechul’s breath hitched in his throat, feeling the familiar disturbing sensation hitting his chest. He let go of Jungsu’s shoulder while turning his head away. How dare of Jungsu to mention that name in front of him.

 

Not feeling Heechul’s shoulder anymore, Leeteuk lifted his head. He observed the man, hardly able to read anything out of his expression now that the man was looking somewhere else. Leeteuk knew it was still too risky to bring up that name in whatever conversation involving Heechul. In the end, if not locking himself up in his room, Heechul would yell at everything and everyone and make their day as miserable.

 

“Don’t you want to meet him first before leaving?” again he asked, now more carefully as to trigger Heechul’s anger.

 

“I thought we were talking about Youngwoon,” spat the man back.

 

“We’re talking about members who are absent from SJ.”

 

“Then you’re missing Kibum.”

 

Leeteuk was silent, mentally acknowledging the one most important point of Kim Heechul. He was loud, sometimes sadistic, a walking ball of sarcasm, the ultimate sassy diva, but at times, he could be the very person you wanted and knew would get comfort from. Even Leeteuk himself knew that. But when it came to himself, to his misery, Kim Heechul was the quietest person on earth.

 

Only the first three month of Hankyung’s departure that everyone was allowed to see the weak side of him. Even then, the only evidence of his sadness was the door to his room that was shut tight, never opened unless he was too hungry, which happened so rarely it drove Ryeowook crazy at one point. He locked himself up in his room, refusing to eat with the members, not wanting to see anyone, absent from schedules, only allowing his cats to be his companion. Even fans commented when they saw him cry while singing Shining Star that it was their first time seeing the man cry and look so miserable.

 

But then he would show up on stage again, be on shows again, and ate regularly again. But still, the old Kim Heehul would never come back. He had seen their photos together and noticed how the smile Heechul flashed at the cameras was different, not as wide and bright as it was before. Heechul, who was the mood maker, who always threw his jokes and sarcastic comments, who always went, “Hankyung this...” “Hankyung that...” “Hankyung said...” was not his old loud self anymore.

 

He read the post Heechul made about Hankyung that one time, too, when Hankyung was busy fighting his rights against the company. It was cruel really, but at that time a part of him wanted Hankyung lose so that he would go back to SJ, and brought the old Kim Heechul that had been missing since the day he left.

 

Yes, perhaps Leeteuk would not be able to meet Kangin when he returned, he began to accept the fact somehow. But even if that happened, he would still had the chance to meet the younger two years afterward. As for Kibum, well, whenever he wanted to, he could meet him because Kibum had never left. He was just now focusing more on his acting, never actually leaving the group. But Hankyung... the man was not even Korean. He had won his allegation against the company, and now had succeeded with his solo career. There was no way he was going to come back to SJ.

 

Unlike Leeteuk who could reunite with Kangin, Heechul would never be able to with Hankyung.

 

“I’m going back in,” said Heechul. Leeteuk stopped his train of thought and focused his attention back to the man. He was already on his feet and still not looking at Leeteuk. Ok, so the man decided to go with the first scenario: locking himself up in his room.

 

“Heechul,” Leeteuk called out. “You once said that I could lean on you. You also said that we’re their hyungs, and but you only had me as your hyung.” He tugged on Heechul’s fingers. “You can lean on me, Chul.”

 

But Heechul said nothing. It was no use, Leeteuk thought, because it was only Hankyung who could break through Heechul’s walls and see his true self.

 

However, then Heechul did the unexpected. He looked down and stared at Leeteuk. The tear in the corner of his eye startled Leeteuk.

 

“Even if I scream for the world to hear, he will not listen, Teuk,” the man spoke, even his voice betraying his mask. “Even if I scream that I miss him till my throat burns, he will not come, will he?”

 

Leeteuk was surprised but he wasted no time, he quickly stood up and positioned himself before Heechul. Without saying anything, he pulled the man to a bone-crushing hug.

 

“He will never come, Jungsu-yah.” Leeteuk heard a snort. “You asked me if I wanted to see him? Fuck, Jungsu, yes, I want to see him. I want to see him, I want to slap some sense into him, I want to yell at him for leaving, I—what do I do, Teuk? I don’t even know how to reach him.”

 

Leeteuk did not answer to the plea. He did not because he did not know what to say. Yet. But he would, and he would do something. Before they both left for army.

 

\--------

**Author's Note:**

> This was written back in August 21st, 2011. If you looked up Heechul’s military enlistment, you’d know that the announcement was made on 22nd of August, which was exactly the day after I wrote this. Imagine what a mess I was when reading the news then. Well, we all were, were we not? Like, screw Kim Heechul for suddenly enlisting when he already made a promise to enlist together with Teuk the following year. And at that time I thought maybe it was a sign of some sort from Heechul or something like that.
> 
> You could tell how outdated this plot is, because I mentioned how Teuk and Heechul would enlist together in the following year and how I did not mention Kangin’s discharge date. lol completely outdated. Doesn’t make sense either, but it’s been dusting away in my fanfic folder for years and I just had to let it out.


End file.
